I can't believe I love a Jew!
by tatyana3
Summary: Cartman is stuck going back and forth from Kyle to Stan's house after an unexpected incident happened with his grandmother. While being stuck with them, he tries to figure out why each of them are super best friends with each other and provokes them to go out with each other. In doing so he realizes he might have feelings for one of them. Particularly Kyle. "Damn. Why the Jew?"


Text from Kyle: DUDE! HURRY THE HELL UP! YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE SHOW!

 _Crap I am late._ Stan was running home from school, which got out two hours ago. He got so caught up in his basketball game that he lost track of time. Everyone was at Kyle's house ready to watch Terrence and Philip: The Asses of Fire series. He wore dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and his usual trademark cap. His brown jacket was unzipped as he ran in the freezing cold air. He looked behind him every now and then to see if he could find a trace of Kenny. He was at the court, too, but not for the basketball game. Stan saw him making out with one of the cheerleaders as he grabbed his things and ran out the door. Finally, Stan reached Kyle's doorstep and busted through the door. He dropped his bag in the corner as he ran toward the sofa and jumped in the middle of it. "Dude, what the hell took you so long?" Kyle asked. Stan laid back on the couch trying to catch his breathe. "Basketball...game" he managed to huff out. He looked around the living room and realized Cartman wasn't there. "Where's Cartman?" Kyle rolled his eyes and said, "Fat ass is in the bathroom. He said something about five bags of cheesy poofs." Stan made a face of disgust, then relaxed more on the couch. He took out his phone and saw the time. 4:50. _I made it just in time._ As he went through his phone to text Kenny, he noticed an orange figure sat next to him. He heard a muffled voice say, "Hey Stan." Stan Stan took a second look at he figure and realized it was a smug Kenny. "DUDE! THE FUCK?!" Stan yelled. He looked then pointed at the door. "I left before you did! How the hell did you beat me?!" Kenny picked up a water bottle he took from the kitchen and poked Stan with every word he said. "I. Got. A. Ride." Stan looked at him with confusion as to who brought him home, but wondered why he ran all the way over then. "Why the hell you didn't offer me one?!" Kenny started tossing his water bottle in the air and catching it while staring at the screen; watching the countdown in the corner of the tv. "You were already gone and I was in the middle of finishing something," Kenny said with a smirk. Kenny took a sip of his water and laid back on the couch as he heard the toliet flush. Cartman was coming out the bathroom rubbing his stomach. "Ahhh. I feel so much better. You might want to crack a window or something Kyle."Kyle gave Cartman a twisted disgusting face, "That's pretty disgusting dude." Kenny jumped up, pulled off his hood, and screamed, "THE SHOW IS STARTING!"

 **This tv program is proud to present Terrence and Philp: The Asses of Fire series. Please make sure you are of 18 years or older to watch.**

All four boys squeezed in on the couch, while grabbing snacks off the table

* * *

3O Minutes later...

All four of the boys' eyes were glued to the television as the show was coming to an end.

 **Philp I promise I will be right back for help. There was a doctor on the plane when we crashed so he has be somewhere around here. Use your farts to keep yourself afloat. Count them until I get back okay?** _Philip was floating in the ocean in the shallow end, holding on to a piece of drift wood. He looked up and tried his best to look Terrence in the eye._ **Okay Terrence**. _He began to fart._ **One** **fart, two fart, three fart.** _Terrence ran off into the forest **.**_ **Four Fart. Fi-** _he couldn't get the last fart out and started to sink. **To be Continued.**_

All the boys stared at the screen until the credits started. All four of them screamed, followed by the screams of all the other kids in South Park.

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!" Kenny yelled while falling to his knees squeezing the empty water bottle from earlier.

"Dude what happened next?!" Stan asked while still staring at the screen.

"Those bastards better now let him die!" Kyle scream filled with sadness and rage.

"KENNY! Look on the internet to find out what happened next!" Cartman demanded.

Kenny took out the nearest laptop he could find and went on google. As he typed in the title of the series he found something that would cause the entire city to go up in flames. "Um. Guys?"

"What Kenny?" Cartman, Stan and Kyle walked over to him.

"Did he die?!" Kyle asked, with extreme wide eyes.

"That was the last episode,"Kenny said. The three of the boys behind paused, staring at his blonde hair, then responded with, "What?"

Stan moved to the side of him with a raised eye brow and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Move out the way Kenny." Cartman pushed Kenny to the side and began to read the article on the screen. "The season finale to Terrence and Philip: Asses of Fire series left a manger cliffhanger as to whether or not Philip lives. Too bad we will never find out what happens next since the series is said to no longer continue..." Kyle and Stan moved in closer on either side of Cartman so they could confirm what he was reading. "Rather than making this announcement right after the show tonight, it will be made next week during a talk show with the producers debating whether or not to continue the series or to end it."

All the boys stared at the screen baffled. Cartman broke the silence with, "What. The. Almighty. Fuck."

They heard keys jiggling in the door as Kyle's mom, dad and his brother Ike walked through the door. "What are you boys up to?"

"Nothing mom." Kyle closed his laptop and sat on the sofa. The rest of the boys followed as well with dazed looks on their faces. Kyle's family went up the stairs leaving the four of them on the couch. "I can't believe this is happening", Kyle muttered. "Will they actually continue?" Cartman looked at Kyle for asking such a stupid question and answered with, "Dude. They HAVE to continue." Stan got up from the couch rubbing the back of his neck. "I need to go home and process this." He stood up, grabbed his bag from the corner and started walking toward the door. "I'll see you guys later"

"I think I'll leave too. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Kenny walked out the door as well.

"Bubby can you come upstairs a minute?" Kyle was on autopilot as he made his way upstairs. He walked into his mother's room looking at the floor. _They can't end the show. They can't._ "Yes mom?" Ms. Bloski was standing by the doorway with a concerned look on her face. "Did your pudgy friend leave?" Kyle looked at her and tried to process who she was talking about. "Oh. Wait. Cartman? No, I don't think so. Why?" His mother walked in a little closer so she wouldn't have to be as loud. "Well, I just got a phone call from his mother and said there was an emergency with his grandmother so your friend will be staying with us for awhile." Kyle gave her a blank stare, "Okay?" His mother asked, "Are you fine with that?" Kyle still recovering from the shock, which was slowly fading and just decided to agree with what his mother was trying to say. "Yeah its fine." Kyle walked downstairs and got halfway down until the shock from his show completely faded and the conversation he had with his mother finally clicked. His eyes slowly made their way to Cartman who was still sitting on the couch and then back to the direction of his mother's room. He ran back up the stairs and slammed her door open, "What the heck did you just say?" His mother jumped from the surprising action and said, "What do you mean Kyle?"

"Did you say that Cartman is staying with us?"

"Yes, I did, You said it was -"

"FOR HOW LONG?!"

"I'm not sure. Now go downstairs and go tell your friend." Kyle turned around and slowly made his way back downstairs. _Am I really going to be stuck with Cartman? For weekend? Or maybe longer?!_

* * *

Cartman looked around and noticed he was all alone. He got up and stretched. _I guess that's my que to leave_. He went to the kitchen to grab his backpack and spotted Kyle coming down the stairs as he made his way to the front door.

"Hey Kyle, I was just showing myself the way out so I'll see you later Jew."

Kyle waited for Cartman to get closer, then put his hand Cartman's shoulder. "Actually you'll be staying here tonight."

Cartman stared a Kyle blankly and said, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Something popped up with your grandma and your mom asked my parents could you stay here."

Cartman stared at him for about two seconds and blinked. "For how long?"

"Not sure, it shouldn't be anything too serious, so probably just a few days or so."

"Oh. Well that's cool. I'm just gonna go home and grab some personal stuff and make my way back."

Kyle removed his hand from Cartman's shoulder as he made his way to the front door. Cartman walked out the door and down the stairs. "That Jew must be out his got damn mind if he thinks I'm staying at his house tonight." _Who the hell does he think I am? I am 16 years old what the hell I need to be babysat for?_

He made it to his house and found a note on the door.

 _"Dear Cartman, I know you will try and stay home by yourself, but you must not stay in the house pass 10pm. Please go stay at your friend's house until I call to let you know when it is safe. Love Mom."_

"What the fuck is bitch talking about?!"

He balled up the paper and made his way inside. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 8:40pm. "What the hell happens after 10pm? Nothing in this house happens after 10pm!" He threw he bag on the living room floor and made his way to the kitchen.

As he made his way to his kitchen, a tall, anonymously, dark figure stared in his house. Watching Cartman raid the fridge for cake. Waiting for 10pm.

* * *

 **I haven't written anything in years and figure I should start writing again. Should I write another chapter?**

 **-Tatie**


End file.
